Boatmad Marriage Agency

[jackeen's Missus]

It has been brought to my attention that there are several unmarried and highly eligible gentlemen out there who wouldn't mind meeting Miss Right (Miss Alright will also do :D)

I am prepared to ask around for ye but I am to be invited to any Boatmad weddings where I shall get as drunk as a Lord and sing Happy Birthday like any other embarrassing auntie would do :lol:lol:

Missus Compassionate and Caring

BTW don't be in any rush. Marriage is a lot of laundry, hoovering, fighting over the remote control, putting the bins out etc. etc.
(Worse still she mightn't like boats so next thing you might have to flog your pride & joy on EBAy :eek: )

[termite]

Great idea, just wait till Google find this thread, every search made from now one will have

"Missus Marriage Agency" at the top :no:

Surely the whole idea of a bloke getting married is to get away from laundry and domestic chores ? or have I missed somfink ?

anyway, find me a wife and I will buy you the hat :three:

T

[jackeen's Missus]

Originally posted by terminator


anyway, find me a wife and I will buy you the hat :three:

T

OK can I order the hat now????

gekko, pink (I'm sure they'll do it special...)

Missus :hugegrin:

[Rogue Wave]

i could do with a bit on the side?

[jackeen's Missus]

You have 2 like the rest of us in your generation.

They're called 'love handles' ....

Missus :cry:

[Captain Chaos]

post edited,

help if i took notice what i was doing when i got more that one page open!!:brain:

Missus. can you get my mate "Ace" a bird??? he's a propper sailer (works on gas tankers for shell), he's got a few quid, is a real laugh and is packing a big wanger.........but is a real no-show with the ladies!!!

(well other than the oriental ones that come aboard his ship in the middle of the south china sea!!):jaw:

all boys schools do that sorta thing to a man!:wink:

OOh, he lives down your neck of the woods 'n all

[Captain Chaos]

Nope no booze tonight!

Anyways i dont drink, and also the sea is pink and red london buses are green!

Do you reckon "ACE" has got a chance with one of Miss's mates?

[jackeen's Missus]

Don't know about my wimmin mates after last nite (completely forgot I had a hen night to go to... :eek: )

Most ain't into botes either...

BUT as you're one of the good guys on Boatmad Captain...an effort shall be made for your friend.

Missus :wave:

[robin]

04:24 oo er.

[Jon Fuller]

Hen Night :aaahhh: doesn't seem like your 'bag' missus :brown: :sperm: :sperm: :shag: :three: :three: :puker: :brown: :puker:

[jackeen's Missus]

1) Up early cos of big rib trip Robin :up:

2) Oh really JF :D

Missus

[termite]

So Missus how was Exmouth ? bit bumpy out there today perhaps ?

T

[rubber dub tub]

Term
Yes it was a little bumpy :well: :sick:

[jackeen's Missus]

Originally posted by terminator
So Missus how was Exmouth ? bit bumpy out there today perhaps ?

T

It was A-MAZING.

Will do a full trip report with a few piccies on the cruising thread.

The boat certainly loved it!!!!

Big thanks to Mark Wildey our host...

AND we met a famous forumite!!!!

Missus (fell asleep early :yawn: )

[rubber dub tub]

Hi Missus
Did you go to Exemouth ???????
I was there but did not know you were going, would have like very much to have met you, what were you wearing or any distingusing features that would set you apart from everyone else.

:worthy: :worthy: :worthy:

[Jon Fuller]

Originally posted by rubber dub tub
any distingusing features that would set you apart from everyone else.

Very powerfull tounge and jaw muscles! :bolt: :well:

[Rogue Wave]

and a very very big pair of ears

[Jon Fuller]

SSShhhhhh! she'll hear ya :hatchet: :bolt:

[termite]

?

[Rogue Wave]

do my eyes decieve me or is that a leprechaun..........or is it a leprekate

[jackeen's Missus]

Hi Rubber!!!

I'm fat and plain as a pikestaff.

I'm also very quiet.

Ignore the fekkers.

Sorry to have missed you :wave:

Missus

We were on Mark Wildey's RIB...Red Scorpion...'jellignite'

[Rogue Wave]

Originally posted by rowg waiv
i could do with a bit on the side?

sorry for typing this missus it must have confused you I meant to say I could do with a bint on the side

[rubber dub tub]

:wave: Missus
Were you there for the race on Saturday or was it for the poker run on Sunday.

I was there on Saturday and the weather was great and i will share some photo's of the repair i have now got to carry out to my Rib.

[Rogue Wave]

how did you manage to do that to a Pac

:aaahhh:

[rubber dub tub]

another.

now it is partly modified, i think i will put in a bigger fuel tank and maybe a differant consul.

do you know of anyone who has done a modification along these lines. :drain: :drain: :drain: :well: :well: :well:

[rubber dub tub]

Hi Rowg
Playing silly F**kers outside the Exe esttury on Saturday, went out with another rib to see if it was going to be alright for them to race.

The waves were about 15 / 18 ft peak to trough and i was still flat out. but my spare jerry cans decided enough was enough and went below for some shelter.

[Rogue Wave]

Ouch for a minute I thought maybe Miss Chief had taken a nibble out of it with her very powerful Jaw muscles

:drain:

[Rogue Wave]

definitely know wher you can get a bitching consul from.

[Cookee]

Thanks for going out to test the conditions so I could leave mine on the trailer Ian! :drink:

[rubber dub tub]

Hi Cookie
that is alright mate would not want you to brake you boat, you should have come out to see for yourself, instead of propping up the bar. :drink: :brown: :puker:

The young lad drove back and had it nailed to the stop all the way apart from about 10 mins, when we left a wave and didn't land for sometime and landed straight into the bottom of the next, i think he winded himself.

[rubber dub tub]

Missus
i don't think you would have made it down on Saturday, Sunday was a lot better, except i had to earn some brownie points. so i stayed in.

[jackeen's Missus]

Saturday was messy alright. Stayed on land :)

Well done for doing the DIY or praying or wotever on Sunday.

:up: Missus :up:

[rubber dub tub]

Missus
it was far more serious than that,.:duell: nearly had to sleep on my rib, at least i now have a cabin or sort of .

[Captain Chaos]

"Ace" is due to set foot on dry land in 2 weeks. I'm sure he'll either be residing with me (being my spanner slave) or at his batchelor pad (or homo love-nest, not decided which yet:drain: ) down at port solent.

I think that having been away since March i may need to take him to the barbers, outfitters and then supply himwith some "adult material" so he can therefore return to being the consumate gentleman with all these foxy ladies you'll have lined up 4 him!!!

He's a real individual!! Trust me on that fact!!

And as he's 1 of only 3/4 mates of mine that actually like boats, you gotta a very good chance of meeting him when i finally pull my finger out and get down sarf!

[termite]

do you know of anyone who has done a modification along these lines

Oooh errr thats a big hole. Tell you what though Rogue and I have seen a briliant console on the Isle of Wight the other night. Cabin type with a cabin about the size of a double bed and sitting height. Am seriously considering one. He posts on here ans L & N and I have something rather precious he wants back.

T :no:

[jackeen's Missus]

Crikey I've me work cut out for me!!!!

Rubber I'm sure all will be well in time :D

Chaos your gang sounds a bit wild :D

Missus
:hugegrin2

[Captain Chaos]

Er, No missus...... we're all sad blokes that went to a single sex school for far tooo long.

the first girl i ever spoke to was me mates sister and she only done it as dare!!!...........i was 17:drain:

But i like me mates........well sometimes!

[jackeen's Missus]

Originally posted by Captain Chaos
But i like me mates........
It's a question of degree here...

How much do you like your mates cos there are options :up:

Missus (asked all the girls at the hairdressers today but they're all spoken for :cry: )

[Captain Chaos]

Ace has called me from Brunai and has spent the last couple of weeks in storms or sommink! so isnt gonna be back till end of July! :( no co-pilot for me then!

Ere Missus ..... i like me mates, but i'm not a FAIRY!!! ther'es been a missus Chaos for 5 or so years!

[jackeen's Missus]

[i]Ere Missus ..... i like me mates, but i'm not a FAIRY!!! ther'es been a missus Chaos for 5 or so years! [/B]

Steady!!!!

I believe in fairies :)

OK I'm sorting you into categories now.

Missus:D

I may need photos of yourselves or (for the right sort of woman)
the BOAT !!!:laugh:

[Captain Chaos]

He's the one with the flowery shirt on!

BTW.............he'll kill me when he docks-up and finds out what i been up to!!

:jaw:

[termite]

All just bollix anyways.


:cry: :cry: :cry:

You will be saying Farther Christmas doesn't exist next

T

[Captain Chaos]

:brain:

[jackeen's Missus]

OK just saw the Ace Ventura reference now :D

I'll have a google,

Missus:laugh:

[jackeen's Missus]

OK for Ace....

Possibly ....????

[jackeen's Missus]

...and for Terminator...

[jackeen's Missus]

...and for carly baby...

[jackeen's Missus]

for El Capitan...

[termite]

Oh good choice I like the girl next door look,

T
:three:

[Carl]

yeah baby.ding dong

[Carl]

pic

[Captain Chaos]

Now the tears have stopped fludding from my face.... I got to tell you.....

Cameron Diaz - I consider her one of the most beautifull women ever!

Kylie - she's a cutie!
Davina - Not so good looking, but has a certain "quality", i'd love to take her out....reckon she's a real laugh!

Posh - well, i'd rather :shag: Lilly Savage....or indeed amputate me sausage!!

OF ALL THE WOMAN...I GET PAIRED WITH HER:down: :puker: :cry:

You best have another go missus....and i dont think the hairdressers is the best place to start......as i should wear a syrup :wink: :D

YES "Ace" did look exactly like that many, many moons ago when we were all just wee nippers hav'n a piss-up in tenerife and he bowls out one night in a floral shirt!! :drain:

[Jon Fuller]

Originally posted by carly baby
Hyped Driver: WHERES THE BUOY ,WHERES THE FEKKIN BUOY. Calm Navigator: Its at the next pier................well boscombe and poole pier look the same through red misted eyes

I expect Bournmouth pier looks pretty similar to those two also

[Carl]

and that one to

[jackeen's Missus]

capitano

You're a right comedian...I'll have another look sorry

Missus :laugh:

[jackeen's Missus]

she can sing you to sleep........

Missus

[Captain Chaos]

Missus, i'm affraid its back to the drawing board 4 u!!!

Please bathe yourself in Holy water and then have a serious re-think about the ugly talentless tarts you seem to want to pair me with.

Would you not consider somebody more chic and sophisticated for me, like maybe Bridget Wilson, Tea Leoni or even your fine self:D

AND....if you post serena williams next...... i'm cancelling my membership here:cry:

[Captain Chaos]

Originally posted by Matt
What's wrong with that, seems like a good match IMHO!!! :drain:

And why is it Matt, that i always write on here with complete & utter fear? erm yoooooooouuuuuuu!!!:booty:

I was briefly thinking.... Rosie Gains may be a good match for you.....

A big vessel, lots of ballast and a filthy engine compartment

:drain:

[Captain Chaos]

I am....most definatly!

I've not been scouting, i assure you!!

Just that Missus was offering-up Ms Diaz etc...... so i thought what the heck!

but i got Brash spice!

[Jon Fuller]

Originally posted by Captain Chaos
ugly talentless tarts

Hey, that's a lovely sharp tounge you've got there! my kind'a comment:D

[Captain Chaos]

Originally posted by jon fuller
Hey, that's a lovely sharp tounge you've got there! my kind'a comment:D

razor, when it comes to "IT" i'm afraid! I know i've never met her, but there's absolutely zero about Mrs Beckham that i think is desirable or pleasant in anyway.

She is one of the very few subjects with which i am totally forbiden to speak about...when in the presence of Ms Chaos!

sorry, rant over! mouth zipped!

[The Iron Duke]

Captain C has always had a soft spot for Pauline Fowler. I'm not allowed round his when eastenders is on and he always watches it with the sound off and his "magic sock" in his hand.

Anyway, it might be difficult to get Ace back to blighty as recent reports suggest that the HMS Gay has run out of kit-kat chunkys and Ace aka Roger the cabin boy has to sort out the vending machines, as he is 5th engineer.

[Captain Chaos]

Actually, its a malfunctioning spiral on selection C2 thats causing the problem!

Cant get the part till next month!

Now feck off and go back to your other forum

www.knobjockeyforum.co.uk

[jackeen's Missus]

Here you go Captain...more ethereal for you...

(Mrs. Chaos I'm only humouring him. He'd probably run a mile if Liv showed up. Well 100 yard dash anyways ...if he's as fit as I am:D)

Missus :up:

[jackeen's Missus]

Update

Terminator has found someone.

Still top secret so leave him alone.

But he was great boating company for the last few weeks and now it all has to stop again.

Ah well.

Missus :D

[jackeen's Missus]

So do we :aaahhh:

Missus

[Captain Chaos]

Oh Liv Tyler of Joy! Now thats a lot lot lot better missus!

She's a sexy beast.....and i reckon those lips provide a great vacum seal.................naughty:facelick:

And i'm only capable of the 100cm dash......thats when my fly button bursts and my gut jumps forward!!!

[jackeen's Missus]

it's such a curse being a visual person... :eek:

you're very funny tho' Captain.

Glad you're sorted at last :up:

Missus:laugh: :laugh:

[Captain Chaos]

Oi Missus, I think Ms Chaos is pretty, but she's the exception to the rule!!

I was the one fella that fancied sporty spice coz (other than that annoying 'pool accent) she seemed a genuine giggle!

I own an estate and all my clothes are from Marks & sparks!

Oh, and Ms Chaos certainly doesnt date me for my good looks!.....

or my great conversation, or my package, or my money..................In fact I may be getting dumped!!!

[jackeen's Missus]

I think she loves you cos you're cheerful and easygoing. And probably kind.

Very attractive qualities

Keep up the good work and look forward to photies of the boat at some stage

Missus :up: