Right… first off don’t ever believe a feckin’ word that the Fat Ginger One… or the Fat Lanky Fecka say.... Period!
“Fancy a bit of off-road biking?”.. says They.. “Yeah, Great! I’m up for it “ Says I… “Righto…take a look at this link and see what you think…”… says They. The link was to the Honda off-road experience which offered a nice gentle bit o’ tuition which…and I think I’m phrasing this correctly.. was..“Suitable for all abilities”.. “Cool” says I.. “let me know where and when.”…
Yesterday was the day… so down to sunny Brighton I go… now I had noticed a strange reticence on the part of the Fat Twins to give me any firm information… just a post code and a price…. Still how hard can it be? I mean… I’ve been riding bikes pretty much continuously for the best part of thirty years… and way back when… road a few trials and did a bit of green laning…
The clue was in the name of the venue… it had the word “Raceway” in the title… now I was beginning to feel a tad uncomfortable as I drove down toward the venue….. Feck!! My suspicions were confirmed when I rounded the corner to view a full on Moto-X track…..
Double feck!! “How do I get my money back, feign illness and slope off”… thought I. I tell you, if I hadn’t driven all the feckin’ way down to Brighton and paid a deposit… I’d have been out of there faster than the conrod through the block of an over-revved race engine… “Hang on a bit” thinks I….. “Gingerbolix has paid the deposit… right! I’m off!” Unfortunately as I’m creeping away in the still of the Morning a voice booms out… “ Morning Mate ! You here for the Yamaha Race Experience? “
“Nah, Mate… I’m just lost”…… Shit ! If I’d been thinking that’s what I would have come out with… but as usual mouth slipped into drive before brain engaged…”Erm… Yes” stammered I…..
“Good Oh… brew’s on in the shed” responds this child of about 20….. “Feck!” Mutters I …
Now I’m feckin’ doomed! No escape and seeing all the extras from Mad Max spannering up a lethal collection of missiles thinly disguised, as motorcycles did nothing to settle my queasy stomach.
Haha.. at least I won’t be the biggest Muppet out there ‘cause the Fat Ginger One, Fat Tall One and Streak’O can’t be that good…… can they?
Wrong!……. Turns out Lank has been sneaking some practice sessions in…Gingerbollix seems to have been a bit handy on an off road bike back in his day… and Streak’O is just feckin’ young and therefore good at everything… I’d been done up like a Kipper…
Now, I’ve got enough movement back in my hands and arms I can tell you what it felt like….. imagine being thrown in the back of Concrete mixer with a load of bricks for company?… That’s how I felt afterwards…. Completely and utterly fecked!
Great day lads! Honest… I’m up for it again…shall we say 2012?
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