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Old 26-10-2006, 01:59 PM   #1
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Country: Scotland
Location: Kirkcudbright
Interests: Boats n Lambrettas
Boat make: Boatless

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Joke

A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot
to an attractive woman he spotted dining alone.

The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,
"This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.

She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking
at the man, and decided to send a reply note to the man. The
waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from
her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read:
For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a
Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in
your
pants."


After reading the note, the man decided to compose one
of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and
instructed him to return this to the woman.

It read:
For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a
BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over
twenty million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a woman as
beautiful
as you, would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back."
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Old 26-10-2006, 09:51 PM   #2
Gav
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A very attractive lady walks up to the bar and beckons the barman over.......

"Are you the manager?" she asks running her fingers through his hair ..............

" No i'm not maddam, would you like to see him?" the barman asks.....

"no, its ok, but could you pass on a message for me ?" as she lets two fingers run down the barmans face and drop into his mouth seductively...........

"tell him theres no ******* toilet paper!"
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Old 26-10-2006, 10:01 PM   #3
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Country: United kingdom
Location: West Sussex
Occupation: Grease Monkey
Interests: Makin my boat faster!
Boat name: S.B Racing
Boat make: Ocke mannerfelt canopied B23 / Zapcat
Engines: Merc 200XS Gen 2 / Tohatsu 50
Cruising area: littlehampton/Southampton

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: West Sussex
Posts: 2,652
Quote:
Originally posted by Gav
A very attractive lady walks up to the bar and beckons the barman over.......

"Are you the manager?" she asks running her fingers through his hair ..............

" No i'm not maddam, would you like to see him?" the barman asks.....

"no, its ok, but could you pass on a message for me ?" as she lets two fingers run down the barmans face and drop into his mouth sedutively...........

"tell him theres no ******* toilet paper!"

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Old 23-11-2006, 12:08 PM   #4
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Country: Scotland
Location: Kirkcudbright
Interests: Boats n Lambrettas
Boat make: Boatless

Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Kirkcudbright
Posts: 957
Christmas

An elderly man in Winklespruit calls his son in Cape Town and says,
'I hate to ruin your Christmas, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing;
35 years of misery is enough.'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this,
so you call your sister in England and tell her,' and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.
'She calls her dad immediately, and screams at the old man,
'You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there.
I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there on Friday.
Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

The old man hangs up and turns to his wife.
'Okay,' he says, 'they're coming for Xmas and paying their own airfares.'
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