Jokes

[mike k]

There were two golfers on the golf course.
>>One of the men pulled out a cigarette, and asked his friend for a
>>light.
>>His friend pulls out a 12inch Bic lighter.
>>'Wow, where did you get such a large Bic?' asks the first guy
>>'Oh, my Genie got if for me' replies his friend
>>'Your Genie? You have a Genie? Where is he?' exclaims the first guy
>>'He is in my Golf bag' says the friend
>>'Can I see him?' asks the first guy to which his mate says 'sure'
>>So the guy looks in the bag and sure enough out comes the Genie
>>The man says to the Genie, 'I am your masters best friend, would
>>you grant me one wish?'
>>The Genie says, 'Yes, but only one wish', so the man wishes for a
>>million bucks
>>With that the Genie goes back in the Golf bag without saying
>>another word
>>Pretty soon the sky starts to get dark. Then it gets even darker
>>and the guy looks up and sees a million ducks flying over.
>>He gets real upset and says to his mate, 'what's the matter with
>>your Genie? Is he hard of hearing? I said a million Bucks not a
>>million Ducks!'
>>His friend replies: 'Do you really think I asked for a 12inch Bic?'
>>

[mike k]

A Human Resources Manager was knocked down, tragically, by a bus and was
killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter welcomed
her.

"Before you get settled in" he said, "We have a little problem...you
see, we've never had a Human Resources Manager make it this far before
and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"Oh, I see," said the woman, "Can't you just let me in?" "Well, I'd
like to," said St Peter, "But I have higher orders. We're instructed to
let you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are to
choose where you'd like to go for all eternity."

"Actually, I think I'd prefer heaven", said the woman.

"Sorry, we have rules.." at which St. Peter put the HR Manager into
the downward bound elevator.

As the doors opened in hell she stepped out onto a beautiful golf
course.
In the distance was a country club; around her were many friends... past
fellow executives, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for her.

They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks,and they talked about old
times.
They played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the country
club where she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the
Devil (who was actually rather nice) and she had a wonderful night
telling jokes and dancing. Before she knew it, it was time to leave.
Everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye as she stepped into the
elevator The elevatorwent back up to heaven where St.Peter was waiting
for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds, playing the
harp and singing... which was almost as enjoyable as her day in hell.

At the day's end St. Peter returned."So," he said, "You've spent a day
in hell and you've spent a day in heaven". "You must choose between the
two."

The woman thought for a second and replied, "Well, heaven is certainly
lovely, but I actually had a better time in hell". "I choose hell."

Accordingly, St. Peter took her to the elevator again and she went back
down to hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends
dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in old sacks. The

Devil approached and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stuttered the HR Manager, "Yesterday I was here,
and there was a golf course, and a country club. We ate lobster, and we
danced and had a wonderful happy time. Now all there is, is just dirty
wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil simply looked at her and smiled, "Yesterday we were
recruiting you, today you're staff."

Aint that a fact...........