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Old 06-09-2011, 09:58 PM   #1
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Country: UK
Location: Exmouth
Occupation: Sitting on backside in the SUN
Interests: Vacations
Boat name: Rib Tastic
Boat make: Cobra Rib Burgess T850, Bristol T850 c 2 Wieser Boote
Engines: Marina 225, Yam70 (x2) & Stinger 75
Cruising area: South West

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Exmouth
Posts: 701
just a few jokes:

I met a girl in the park last night. We got chatting, and things were going well, so I thought I'd try my luck. I said "Simon says take your top off". Off it came. "Simon says take off your bra". Out came the titties. After I'd groped them for a while I said "Simon says get naked and bend over". I ****ed her hard up the arse and came inside her. I then pulled up my pants and walked one way, as she ran off the other way, screaming. Its great having a knife called Simon.
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By the time I had finished I was out of breath, dripping with sweat and my skin was sticky to the touch. Standing up I caught a glimpse of my bright red face in the mirror. I was satisfied and I could tell by the look on her face that she was impressed with my performance. As I lit up a cigarette I said to her "That, my love... is how a real man finishes a vindaloo".
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Friedman's worried that he might be gay so he goes to a psychiatrist. After a few sessions, the shrink says "I've got some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first?" Friedman says "Give me the bad news first". The psychiatrist says "You definitely have homosexual tendencies". Friedman says "After that, what could be the good news?" The psychiatrist says "I think you're kinda cute".
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Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line she's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.
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A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing" the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled "Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!" St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?" "Couple of minutes ago".
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A friend of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother has a moustache".



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