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Old 26-12-2007, 07:25 PM   #1
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Occupation: Champion Pie Eater
Boat name: On The Rocks
Boat make: Ring 21 marshan 17 four winns horizon, hydro 3 pointer, f2 cat, backdraft 22
Cruising area: Way up norf and Sarf coast areas

Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,618
sweaty sock funnies

*SCOTTISH MODERN MATHEMATICS PAPER 2007*



*DRAFT HIGHER GRADE MODERN MATHEMATICS PAPER 2007*



*HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL*





------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



GLASGOW REGION







Name.............................................. ...........

Nickname.......................................... ........

Gangname.......................................... .......





1. Shuggie has bought half a kilo of cocaine to sell. He wants to make 300%
on the deal and still pay Mad Malky his 10% protection money. How much must
he charge for a gram?



2. Wee Davie reckons he'll get £42.50 extra Marriage Allowance a week if he
ties the knot with Fat Alice. Even if he steals the ring, the wedding will
cost him £587. And he'll have to start buying two fish suppers at £3.95 each
every night instead of one. How long will it be before Davie wishes he'd
stayed single?



3. When Rangers play Celtic, their fans sing The Sash every 10 minutes when
they're winning and every 15 minutes when they're losing. How many times did
they sing it at last season's Cup Final?



4. Joey and Davie stole a 1999 green Toyota 1600GL with 35,000 on the
clock - and got a grand for it. How much more would they have got if it had
been metallic silver, done 29,000 miles and had low profile tyres?



5. Jake the Flake and Fingers got grassed up for dealing speed. The Flake
got 18 months but Fingers got 3 years. How many more previous convictions
did Fingers have?



EXTRA CREDIT: Who was Fingers' Brief?









* EDINBURGH ** / BORDERS REGION*









Name.............................................. .......................

Rugby Club.............................................. .............

Daddy's Company........................................... ......





1. Gavin has a spare ticket for Julian Clary at The Festival Fringe. But
Benji and Adrian BOTH want to go with him. How long does he cry before
giving them the tickets?



2. Half of Peter's friends say that they went to school with Ewan McGregor.
Another third say they were Gordon Brown's flat mate at University. A sixth
say that their dad played rugby with Tony Blair's dad and the rest say Sean
Connery was their milkman. Only one is telling the truth, so how many
friends does Peter have?



3. Todd wants to be a lawyer, but is as thick as Edinburgh Castle . His
daddy is a Freemason and a QC. How long before Todd becomes the Lord
Advocate?



4. Tamsin's Personal Trainer charges £250 a week, but has sex with her
whenever she wants it. Jasmin's Life Coach charges £50 a week but has
refused all sexual advances. Which one of the women weighs 19 stone?



5. Princes Street is 2467 yards long. On average, there is someone begging
for money every 195 yards. You walk at 3.1 miles an hour. How long will it
take if you tell them all to sod off and work for a living?











** HIGHLANDS ** REGION*







Name.............................................. ...................

Glen.............................................. .....................

Clan.............................................. .....





1. After Hector's death, Archie has to pay Death Duty on Glenbogle. With
25,000 acres, Archie must pay £1.76 for the first 15,000acres and 90p per
acre for the remainder, including VAT. How many people actually give a toss?



2. An Afro-American called Zachary Obisanjo Kokobobo asks a Tartan Shop in
Inverness if he has any Scottish Geneaology. How long does it take to flog
him full Highland dress and matching kilts for his wife and 10 kids?



3. If an Aberdeen supporter laid every sheep in Grampian Region end to end,
how many people would be surprised?



4. If you caught a Loch Ness Monster 115 feet long and each foot weighed
27lbs, how much money would you make by selling your

exclusive story and pictures?



Sorry, question 5 has been delayed by heavy snowfall and will

be here as soon as the Cockbridge - Tomintoul road re-opens in the

spring!
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