Boatmad.com


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 18-01-2007, 10:14 AM   #1
Registered User
 
mike k's Avatar
 
Country: Scotland
Location: Kirkcudbright
Interests: Boats n Lambrettas
Boat make: Boatless

Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Kirkcudbright
Posts: 957
Tesco

One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, “my elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!”

“Listen; don't waste your time down at the surgery, Mike replies. There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid. ...a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points”.

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He deposits Five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

1. You have tennis elbow.
2. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.
3. It will improve in two weeks".
Thank you for shopping at Tesco


That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and "pleasured himself" into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints out the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. And, if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping at Tesco
__________________

mike k is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-01-2007, 12:51 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
The gArfish's Avatar
 
Country: ingland
Location: rinng faktery
Occupation: lanimayter
Boat name: rinng peas

Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: rinng faktery
Posts: 453
Quote:
Originally Posted by mike k View Post
see a doctor
yus i wennt too de fkin kwak wunce

i poynted too mi showlder an mi nekk an mi chesst an sed oi yew twatt itts hirts wen i pres heer heer an heer

wots rong wiv mee i sed


he sed yoov browk yorr fingir yew c*nt

gaRf
__________________

The gArfish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18-01-2007, 01:35 PM   #3
Senior Member
 

Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 277
Quote:
Originally Posted by The gArfish View Post
yus i wennt too de fkin kwak wunce

i poynted too mi showlder an mi nekk an mi chesst an sed oi yew twatt itts hirts wen i pres heer heer an heer

wots rong wiv mee i sed


he sed yoov browk yorr fingir yew c*nt

gaRf
So you are blonde!
FabFour is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3

All times are GMT +1. The time now is 09:47 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
×