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28-04-2011, 09:34 PM
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#281
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Registered User
Country: Guernsey
Occupation: Engineering
Boat make: None, boo!
Engines: Turbines mainly!
Cruising area: The inside of my workshop!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,646
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01-05-2011, 06:22 PM
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#282
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Registered User
Country: UK
Location: Exmouth
Occupation: Sitting on backside in the SUN
Interests: Vacations
Boat make: Burgess T850, Bristol T850 c 2 Wieser Boote
Engines: Yam70 (x3) & Stinger 75 (x2)
Cruising area: South West
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Exmouth
Posts: 749
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Bubba.
Bubba is driving down a back road in Georgia.
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
"Lord a'mighty," he says to himself,
"Thems my three favorites!"
Keanaz
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01-05-2011, 06:25 PM
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#283
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Registered User
Country: UK
Location: Exmouth
Occupation: Sitting on backside in the SUN
Interests: Vacations
Boat make: Burgess T850, Bristol T850 c 2 Wieser Boote
Engines: Yam70 (x3) & Stinger 75 (x2)
Cruising area: South West
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Exmouth
Posts: 749
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Royal Wedding
What the TV coverage DIDN’T show!
Just heard from a royal wedding reporter mate the director was asked to avoid a disturbance near Hyde Park where during the wedding, a man was driving a large tractor up and down and yelling through a megaphone, “the end of the world is upon us. The end of the world is nigh!”. The police arrested him eventually - turns out it was just Farmer Geddon.
Keanaz
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02-05-2011, 02:05 PM
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#284
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Senior Member
Country: England
Location: Warsash
Occupation: Boat Designer
Interests: sport
Boat name: Santana
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Warsash
Posts: 1,838
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a few quickies
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you
believe that 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.
I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't
get an erection...but she did.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
vacuum cleaner.
F*ck me, talk about Dyson with death.
Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
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26-10-2011, 06:44 PM
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#285
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Registered User
Country: Guernsey
Occupation: Engineering
Boat make: None, boo!
Engines: Turbines mainly!
Cruising area: The inside of my workshop!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 2,646
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Bringin' the thread back to life!
A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy...."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia, the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Australia."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's scrxwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry."
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26-10-2011, 06:57 PM
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#286
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living the dream
Country: Fl. USA
Location: Where the sun never dies
Occupation: Life Artist
Interests: BOAT RACING
Boat name: i call her baby
Boat make: Aero-tek
Engines: a lot of horses
Cruising area: WW
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Where the sun never dies
Posts: 453
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Last year we had 2 lesbians move next door.. so i went over to welcome them into our neighborhood and brought them some nice flowers.
My birthday was coming up and i invited them over, so before i left they asked me what i wanted for my 40th birthday and i said .. WATCH !!!
So on my birthday i got a new SEIKO.. mmmhhhhh , not what i had in mind .. but oh well !
__________________
Not as bad as you think i am, just different !
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26-10-2011, 09:47 PM
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#287
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Registered User
Country: UK
Location: Coventry (but from Lee on Solent)
Occupation: Sales Director
Interests: My Boat of course
Boat make: Extreme 21
Engines: Merc V8
Cruising area: Solent
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Coventry (but from Lee on Solent)
Posts: 587
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Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in court getting a divorce. Judge says to mickey, "I'm sorry but I cannot grant you a divorce on the grounds that Minnie has bucked teeth"
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Mickey says "I didn't say she had bucked teeth.... I said she was f*cking goofy"
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The Docta
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27-10-2011, 11:51 AM
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#288
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Registered User
Country: Guernsey Channel Isles
Location: West Coast
Occupation: Hotelier
Interests: Powerboat racing
Boat name: Vodkatini,Cap Camarat,Easy RiderSuper Rider & Hirrondelle
Boat make: Phantom 21,Jeaneau 925 Avenger19.Lorne Campbell Slipstream Tremlett 21.Tigershark 21
Engines: Volvo 5 litre,Merc 115 Tower,Twin 250 Suzukis and 145 Mercruiser LX
Cruising area: Channel Islands and French coast
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: West Coast
Posts: 612
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Docta
Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in court getting a divorce. Judge says to mickey, "I'm sorry but I cannot grant you a divorce on the grounds that Minnie has bucked teeth"
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Mickey says "I didn't say she had bucked teeth.... I said she was f*cking goofy"
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Aha the old ones are the best
Of course nowadays Goofy would deny all knowledge !
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Guernsey - The home of offshore powerboat racing
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27-10-2011, 12:48 PM
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#289
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Aged Member
Country: UK
Location: HAMPSHIRE
Occupation: Safety Engineering
Boat name: Savannah
Boat make: Princess 415
Engines: Volvos
Cruising area: SOLENT
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: HAMPSHIRE
Posts: 779
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And Mickey would be subject to a Gagging Order....
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Land was invented to give boats somewhere to visit
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28-10-2011, 11:14 AM
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#290
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Registered User
Country: United Kingdom
Location: Hedge End
Occupation: Key Account Manager
Interests: Fishing, Photography and anything that has an engine!!
Boat name: Banshee
Boat make: Phantom 20"
Engines: TBC
Cruising area: Solent / Isle of Wight
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Hedge End
Posts: 94
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Moral of the Story
Once upon a time there was a non conforming sparrow that decided not to fly South for the winter;
But soon it got too cold and reluctantly he spread his wings and began his journey, a short while into his journey it got so cold ice formed on his wings and sparrow fell from the sky;
Landing in a farm yard semi unconscious and thinking this was the end a cow came past and just to add insult to injury crapped on little sparrow. It turns out the cow crap was warm and actually thawed Sparrows wings, warm and happy Sparrow began to chirp and sing....
On hearing the noise the farm cat came to investigate, cleared away the crap and ate the Sparrow....
NOW THE QUESTION IS; WHAT IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY....
1. Someone who craps on your head is not necessarily your enemy
2. Someone who helps you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend
3. If you are warm and happy and in the crap, keep your mouth shut..............
__________________
"If it has wheels, wings or floats it'll cost you money"
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28-10-2011, 11:27 AM
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#291
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Registered User
Country: United Kingdom
Location: Hedge End
Occupation: Key Account Manager
Interests: Fishing, Photography and anything that has an engine!!
Boat name: Banshee
Boat make: Phantom 20"
Engines: TBC
Cruising area: Solent / Isle of Wight
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Hedge End
Posts: 94
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DAVE
And Mickey would be subject to a Gagging Order....
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If Mickey was British he would file for a "Super injunction"
__________________
"If it has wheels, wings or floats it'll cost you money"
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18-11-2011, 11:38 AM
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#292
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Registered User
Country: Guernsey Channel Isles
Location: West Coast
Occupation: Hotelier
Interests: Powerboat racing
Boat name: Vodkatini,Cap Camarat,Easy RiderSuper Rider & Hirrondelle
Boat make: Phantom 21,Jeaneau 925 Avenger19.Lorne Campbell Slipstream Tremlett 21.Tigershark 21
Engines: Volvo 5 litre,Merc 115 Tower,Twin 250 Suzukis and 145 Mercruiser LX
Cruising area: Channel Islands and French coast
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: West Coast
Posts: 612
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Injury and accident insurance claim adverts are bollix.
When next door's daughter cut herself on our fence they told me to take some pictures of her gash and now I'm the one who ends up in f**king court !
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Guernsey - The home of offshore powerboat racing
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21-11-2011, 12:01 PM
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#293
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Registered User
Country: UK
Occupation: Designin' Stuff
Interests: Boating/4x4s/Fast Cars
Boat name: Namotu
Boat make: Extreme 24
Engines: 383 Mag Stroker
Cruising area: Channel Isles
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 557
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Why don't lesbians cook?
Because they prefer eating out...
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I like boating
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07-01-2012, 04:35 PM
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#294
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Registered User
Country: GB
Location: Surrey
Occupation: Architectural Designer and Ski Racer
Boat name: True Colours
Boat make: Cyclone 21'
Engines: Mercury 300xs
Cruising area: Worldwide
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Surrey
Posts: 320
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A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at a busy airport. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him He decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off- duty flight attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto: 'We love to fly and it shows.'
The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: 'Winning the hearts of the world.'
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: 'Going beyond expectations.'
The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the f**k do you want?!'
'Ah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. "Ryanair.
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23-01-2012, 02:10 PM
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#295
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Registered User
Country: england
Location: surrey
Engines: none at the mo
Cruising area: south coast
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: surrey
Posts: 472
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little johny strikes again
The teacher says to little johny " if you have five sweats, and abdul asks you for one, how many sweats will you have left" little johny replies,
"five miss"
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09-02-2012, 10:43 AM
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#296
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Moose
Country: Jersey C I
Location: Jersey
Occupation: Thread stripper
Interests: Winding up Donkeys
Boat name: Venom
Boat make: 1990 Phantom(what else)21
Engines: Mariner 225 opti
Cruising area: Channel Islands/France
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Jersey
Posts: 111
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You Gotta luv The Irish
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
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An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He did, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
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Paddy's in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"What on earth you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I know" says Paddy "I tried dat but I couldn't breathe".
----------------------- ------------ ------------------------
An American tourist asks an Irishman:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies: "They have to go backwards
‘cos if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat."
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09-02-2012, 04:07 PM
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#297
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Registered User
Country: Guernsey Channel Isles
Location: West Coast
Occupation: Hotelier
Interests: Powerboat racing
Boat name: Vodkatini,Cap Camarat,Easy RiderSuper Rider & Hirrondelle
Boat make: Phantom 21,Jeaneau 925 Avenger19.Lorne Campbell Slipstream Tremlett 21.Tigershark 21
Engines: Volvo 5 litre,Merc 115 Tower,Twin 250 Suzukis and 145 Mercruiser LX
Cruising area: Channel Islands and French coast
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: West Coast
Posts: 612
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Fabio Capello
Not the first Italian to jump off a sinking boat.
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Guernsey - The home of offshore powerboat racing
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10-02-2012, 11:40 PM
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#298
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Registered User
Country: GB
Location: Surrey
Occupation: Architectural Designer and Ski Racer
Boat name: True Colours
Boat make: Cyclone 21'
Engines: Mercury 300xs
Cruising area: Worldwide
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Surrey
Posts: 320
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a new desert has been created, laced with viagra.
apparently it is to be called stiffy cocky pudding!
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11-02-2012, 08:38 AM
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#299
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Aged Member
Country: UK
Location: HAMPSHIRE
Occupation: Safety Engineering
Boat name: Savannah
Boat make: Princess 415
Engines: Volvos
Cruising area: SOLENT
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: HAMPSHIRE
Posts: 779
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Best combination for a good nights sleep on a boat....
Horlicks and Viagra....
Horlicks help you sleep...and the Viagra stops you rolling out of bed....
__________________
Land was invented to give boats somewhere to visit
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11-02-2012, 05:13 PM
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#300
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Registered User
Country: Guernsey Channel Isles
Location: West Coast
Occupation: Hotelier
Interests: Powerboat racing
Boat name: Vodkatini,Cap Camarat,Easy RiderSuper Rider & Hirrondelle
Boat make: Phantom 21,Jeaneau 925 Avenger19.Lorne Campbell Slipstream Tremlett 21.Tigershark 21
Engines: Volvo 5 litre,Merc 115 Tower,Twin 250 Suzukis and 145 Mercruiser LX
Cruising area: Channel Islands and French coast
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: West Coast
Posts: 612
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They have just announced the invention of Viagra eyedrops.
They don't do much but it makes you look hard !
__________________
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Guernsey - The home of offshore powerboat racing
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