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Old 15-09-2015, 09:45 AM   #1
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The Last Kiss

Back on January 9th, a group of Peking, Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.


George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,

"Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"


While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive', George also didn't want to miss this 'be-a-legend' opportunity either so he asked..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe... Why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,

"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed
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Old 15-09-2015, 06:58 PM   #2
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On his 75th birthday, a man was with presented with a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a distant reservation who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he travelled to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.
The old medicine man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned,
"This is powerful medicine and it must be respected.
You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3'.
When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged.
As he walked away, he turned and asked,
"How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4',"
he responded.
"But when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
The old gent was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said,
"1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife, excited, began throwing off her clothes.
And then she asked,
"What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
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