Things you will never hear

[Ben]

Things you will never hear your wife say
(Edited for the more sensitive amongst us)


1. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
2. I'm bored. Let's shave my privates!
3. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a
few joints, and have my friend Sharon over for a threesome!
4. God..if I don't perform oral sex soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
5. You're so sexy when you're hung over.
6. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
7. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
8. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's bums.
8. I'll be out painting the house.
9. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to
play on Saturday too.
10. Darling, our new neighbour's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
11. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
12. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
13. Your mother did a wonderful job raising you.
14. Do me a favour, forget the stupid Valentine's day thing and buy yourself something for the boat.
15. I understand fully...our anniversary comes every year for God's sake. You go shooting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever.
16. Shouldn't you be down at the pub with your mates?
17. Not the fecking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!
18. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
19. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
20. That was a great fart! Do another one!
21. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head.

[Ben]

The PC police. I see them everywhere. Or was that a line from'The Sixth Sense'. I'm confused.

[Jon Fuller]

No PC police here Ned, they've all been banned.

[Ben]

Originally posted by Johnson
No PC police here Ned, they've all been banned.

Which reminds me for some strange reason (perhaps due to the fact that it might be the most non politically correct film ever made) of a speech by a Mr. Gabby Johnson. Anyone recall his sentiments?

[Jon Fuller]

No, enlighten us

[Ben]

"I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it, I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin bushwackin, hornswaglin, cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter."


Does that help?

[Tony Davis]

Originally posted by Johnson
No PC police here Ned, they've all been banned.

No, Exilaed !!!

[Jon Fuller]

Or resigned! (2 microseconds before getting banned)

[Jon Fuller]

Originally posted by Ned
"bishen cutter."

WTF's a bishen cutter?

[Ben]

Originally posted by Johnson
WTF's a bishen cutter?

Don't know, it's a question that has haunted me throughout the years.

[lesh2000]

Originally Posted by Ben

Don't know, it's a question that has haunted me throughout the years.

Bishen sure sounds like bitchin' and cutter sounds like gutter.

Gabby Johnson speaks the "authentic Frontier Gibberish" vernacular dialect.

He also looks like a skid row alcoholic which is quite a fall from frontiersman as civilization continued to creep in. He doesn't say was or raised. He says wash and raished. Likewise, it takes more effort and brain cells to enunciate gutter than cutter and similarly to enunciate bitchin' than bishen or rather bishin.

So he might live in the gutter which is the "lowest or most vulgar level of life" according to the dictionary. Eventhough Rock Ridge was probably not equipped with a city sewer system, it might have had some grooves to channel away rain water (and horse poop, yuck). But all that would be ruined if Governor Le Petomane and his harumphing cabinet ran a railroad through town.

The dictionary also says bitchin' means "remarkably good or cool." So, I think Gabby is proudly referring to his Bitchin' Gutter because by the 1870s or 1970s crib hasn't been popularized yet.

[Ben]

Nope, still don't get it. I guess Ben only pawn in game of life. Anyway, sounds like a load of prairie sh*t to me.

By the way, where the white women at?

[Jon Holmes]

Blazing Saddles, that has got to be the funniest film ever.