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Old 15-01-2008, 02:58 PM   #1
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You couldn't write it.

Last Saturday evening, around midnight, Mr Rob comes rushing into my room to tell me that there are men on my driveway with torches, I think he though someone was trying to steal his boat.

I got outside, and find 2 policemen, who have been following a horse as it walked up our road. They ask if it's ours, but how would I know, they all look the same to me.

Vicki comes out, and says no, it isn't ours, so the officer asks if we could look after it for a while, so vicki grabs it by the hairy bit on the back of it's head, and sticks it in a stable!

The police take my contact details, and go.

The horse (midnight) the girls have already named it, seems quite happy living indoors, plenty of food and shelter.

This afternoon, I get a knock on the door, and a guy asks if i have his horse, so I say that I may have, what's it look like. He says it's not actually his, it's his mates and he'll be back in a while with him. I say that's fine and that I'll call the police to let them know. This doesn't go down to well, but I explain that as far as I'm concerned I'm looking after it for the Dorset Police.

While he's gone, I phone the wife, ask for her opinion on the correct thing to do, and then I ring the police. After being sent to different departments, I'm telling the story to an officer when I look through the window, and see that not only has the guy driven back with his mate, but the policeman from Saturday has pulled up as well.

I hang up after explaining what's happening, and go out to join in the fun. I say to the policeman, what a coincidence, you turning up just as the owner of the horse does, and he pulls me to one side and says they have pulled up because they've been looking for the driver and his mate for an alleged shop lifting incident at the end of my road.

An hour later the police confirm that the guy is almost certainly the owner of the horse, and says he's happy for me to hand it over...

as the officer is leaving, he comments on my F150, saying what a nice truck, I bet it's lively, and was I aware that my road tax had expired.

Luckily, it's off road and SORN.
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Old 15-01-2008, 04:02 PM   #2
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MMM.. I reckon the story goes more like this….

"Last Saturday evening, around midnight, Mr Rob comes rushing into my room to tell me that there are men on my driveway with torches, I think he though someone was trying to take back the Horse he’d nicked from a field down the road, since I told him we hadn’t got much fresh meat in the fridge for his usual Kebabs..

I got outside, and find 2 policemen, who have been following the horse as it walked up our road. They ask if it's ours, but I deny everything.. but since I’m a shifty looking character I can tell they don’t believe a word of it..

Vicki comes out, and backs up my story…she looks so innocent that the fuzz are satisfied and Vicki then stashes it in a shed till the heats dies down…

The police eye me up suspiciously, and go….

The horse (Donner) the girls have already named it, seems quite happy living indoors, plenty of food and shelter..and well out of the way of Mr Rob

This afternoon, I get a knock on the door, and a guy asks if i have his horse, so I say that I may have, what's it look like. He says it's not actually his, it's his mates and he'll be back in a while with him. I say that's fine and for fifty quid and a spot o’ tarmac he can have the fecka’ back. . This doesn't go down to well, but I explain that as far as I'm concerned it’s finders keepers….

While he's gone, I phone the wife, ask for her to back up my alibi, and then I ring the police. After being sent to different departments, I'm telling the story to an officer when I look through the window, and see that not only has the guy driven back with his mate, but the policeman from Saturday has pulled up as well. Now I think that the game’s up…

I hang up after explaining what's happening, and go out to join in the fun. I say to the policeman, what a coincidence, you turning up just as the owner of the horse does, and he pulls me to one side and says they have pulled up because they've been looking for a large, hungry bloke seen loitering in the area and were frightened for the Horse’s well-being..

An hour later the police confirm that the guy is almost certainly the owner of the horse, and says he's happy for me to hand it over...

as the officer is leaving, he comments on my F150, saying what a nice truck, I bet it's lively…..

Luckily, it's got a photocopied tax disc on it."
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Old 15-01-2008, 05:25 PM   #3
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glad to hear the horse is back to its owner
but bet the girls were a little gutted
and what was this with the shop lifting, you seemed a little vaugue with what actually happened there
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Old 15-01-2008, 05:38 PM   #4
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Jono...Nice one very amusing
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Old 15-01-2008, 05:53 PM   #5
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Tony's version is interesting, but Jono's is
How does Rob's version go?
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Old 15-01-2008, 06:21 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gazza View Post
....How does Rob's version go?
gaZ

Oh, that’s easy…..

“I was on me way to Tony’s gaff and he told me the fridge was empty…so as I was passing a field I saw an Horse that looked like it would make a pie or two..so I had it away on me toes with this nag, but unfortunately the local filth saw me and followed me up to the mansion…so I ditched the Horse with this bit of stuff that was shacked up at Tubby’s and made myself scarce like…dunno what else happened ‘cause I found Tubby’s secret stash of red wine and porn in his shed……and the rest of the weekend was a bit of a blur…”
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Old 15-01-2008, 06:31 PM   #7
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Old 15-01-2008, 08:26 PM   #8
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I don't keep wine in the shed!
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Old 15-01-2008, 10:02 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jono View Post
Oh, that’s easy…..

“I was on me way to Tony’s gaff and he told me the fridge was empty…so as I was passing a field I saw an Horse that looked like it would make a pie or two..so I had it away on me toes with this nag, but unfortunately the local filth saw me and followed me up to the mansion…so I ditched the Horse with this bit of stuff that was shacked up at Tubby’s and made myself scarce like…dunno what else happened ‘cause I found Tubby’s secret stash of red wine and porn in his shed……and the rest of the weekend was a bit of a blur…”

You promised not to tell anyone!
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Old 15-01-2008, 10:08 PM   #10
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This version of events rings the truest only Jono forgot to mention that Tony was crackin' a fat when I rushed in to his bedroom.
In all seriousness I found it all very odd! I guess its because I am from Birmingham and this kind of caper normally involves someone getting shot or stabbed or something you own is about to go missing!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jono View Post
MMM.. I reckon the story goes more like this….

"Last Saturday evening, around midnight, Mr Rob comes rushing into my room to tell me that there are men on my driveway with torches, I think he though someone was trying to take back the Horse he’d nicked from a field down the road, since I told him we hadn’t got much fresh meat in the fridge for his usual Kebabs..

I got outside, and find 2 policemen, who have been following the horse as it walked up our road. They ask if it's ours, but I deny everything.. but since I’m a shifty looking character I can tell they don’t believe a word of it..

Vicki comes out, and backs up my story…she looks so innocent that the fuzz are satisfied and Vicki then stashes it in a shed till the heats dies down…

The police eye me up suspiciously, and go….

The horse (Donner) the girls have already named it, seems quite happy living indoors, plenty of food and shelter..and well out of the way of Mr Rob

This afternoon, I get a knock on the door, and a guy asks if i have his horse, so I say that I may have, what's it look like. He says it's not actually his, it's his mates and he'll be back in a while with him. I say that's fine and for fifty quid and a spot o’ tarmac he can have the fecka’ back. . This doesn't go down to well, but I explain that as far as I'm concerned it’s finders keepers….

While he's gone, I phone the wife, ask for her to back up my alibi, and then I ring the police. After being sent to different departments, I'm telling the story to an officer when I look through the window, and see that not only has the guy driven back with his mate, but the policeman from Saturday has pulled up as well. Now I think that the game’s up…

I hang up after explaining what's happening, and go out to join in the fun. I say to the policeman, what a coincidence, you turning up just as the owner of the horse does, and he pulls me to one side and says they have pulled up because they've been looking for a large, hungry bloke seen loitering in the area and were frightened for the Horse’s well-being..

An hour later the police confirm that the guy is almost certainly the owner of the horse, and says he's happy for me to hand it over...

as the officer is leaving, he comments on my F150, saying what a nice truck, I bet it's lively…..

Luckily, it's got a photocopied tax disc on it."
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