Dear Mr Boatmad,
I recently had a trip down to the Isle Of Wight (which I am still fully convinced is in another country) to see one beloved Mr Ace of Nudgey Villas, Lavender Terrace, Ryde. On the way down Captain Chaos dropped the Chaosmobile off at Diver's Wharf for safe keeping, where I also met a lovely chap called Mr Tony Davis.
Now I hope you can understand my indignance when, after reaching Diver's Wharf, I realised there wasn't a single piece of Scuba gear in the whole of the aircraft hangar down there. No Oxygen tanks. No masks. No 1930's style diving suits for running the marathon in. No dive computers. No concrete boots. Not one single stripy brightly coloured fish. There wasn't even any trick Diving suits with the bottoms cut out (Chaos's favourite Modus Operandi: "Ere stick this suit on mate....oooh i've dropped me pencil can you pick it up?").
Now ordinarily I wouldn't write such a strongly worded post against something inanimate but I don't want to see other people tricked into going there and feeling as disappointed as I am. I think in actual fact this is a matter for my local trading standards.
Duke Ian Duke
The Exxon Valdez of Boatmad