Once upon a time there was a man called The Iron Duke.
As all of you know he was a world famous top class engineer.
He was also a Nobel prize winning writer and an orator of such power that he actually caused the battle of Towcaster merely by insinuating that the Queens hat was Mink.
However these are merely an aside.
Last night His Dukelyship was watching “the 100 most annoying people of 2010” (of which incidentally the Duke holds positions 4, 11, 12 ,27, 29, 72 and 119) and decided it was time to treat the general public. So, with the help of comments from his expert panel and also from the great man himself, please find below THE IRON DUKE’S TOP 8 BOATMAD THREADS!!! Woooooo!!!!!
NUMBER 8 - Chaos’s boat on the move! Rare footage!! - http://boatmad.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3564
David Attenborough – “if one of my cameramen had filmed like this I would have fed them to a wild gorilla”
Muhammed Ali – “fjksfjkfjfkjkfjfjkjkjkjkjkjkjkjkkjkjkjkjkkjkk”
NUMBER 7 - Making light of a submarine tomb - http://boatmad.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15513
The Iron Duke – “cracking video”
Flight Lieutenant Borisov, Commander of the Kursk – “Eet was worth dying for innit”
NUMBER 6 - Chaos’s tiny uncontrollable pee-pee - http://boatmad.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1088&page=2
A Blonde slag he touched up in Chelmsford one night – “it was so small I thought it was a bruise”
Mrs Chaos – “his c0ck is frankly underwhelming”
Ace – “it goes off by accident more than an AK47 held by an Iraqi civilian while driving his Toyota pick up through the town centre on the way to the shops”
Mama Chaos – “we actually thought he was a girl until he was 12”
NUMBER 5 - The day the Duke arrived - http://boatmad.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1285
Toby Daniels – “this is when I first noticed the duke. He had picked out 3 of my favourite hand shandy titles. But he did miss out “peachy intrusive thumb stinky sweetcorn weekly”
Captain Chaos – “I would like to own this shop”
NUMBER 4 - Chaos’s phone habits - http://boatmad.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11867
The Iron Duke’s downstairs bog – “this man has no aim”
Toby Daniels – “feck me he can drone on”
The talking clock – “he is one boring kvnt”
Mrs Chaos – “sometimes I just put the phone down and let him drone on. Once I was driving when he started talking I fell asleep and ended up in a hedge. Got out of my coma 4 months later. He was still on the same story. I actually tried to turn my life support off.”
NUMBER 3 - Warlord Rebirth: http://boatmad.com/forum/showthread.php?t=13068
Sir Patrick Moore – “this man can basically see into the future. The chances of seeing warlord running again are somewhere between eating unicorn steaks for dinner and watching an esquilax give birth. However he has seen into a parallel universe where this boat is made to run again and actually brings it vividly to life”
NUMBER 2 - Chaos’s Boat “rebirth”, and the birth of Chaos’s magical jazz sock - http://boatmad.com/forum/showthread.php?t=977
Mystic Meg – “more a soothsayer than an actual human. He can virtually predict the future. This post from 6 years ago involves an unfinished boat from the future and a fully inseminated sock from the past, present and future”
Marks and Spencers – “we sell over 600 pairs of socks a year to Mr C Chaos”
Chaos’s sock drawer – “the mans a disgrace. It’s so damp in here I’ve started to grow mushrooms. It’s like I’m in a never ending cold fondue”
Chaos’s pant drawer – “I’d like to move to a different part of the house”
Chaos’s shoes – “every time he takes us off it’s like that scene from the crying game. Not enough soap in the world man”
AND HERE IT IS…NUMBER 1 - Throttle Response: http://boatmad.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15305
Fabio Buzzi - “a moment of engineering brilliance. I will be replacing all my throttlemen with ballcocks”
Richard Fain, CEO of Royal Carribean Cruises – “we have replaced nearly our entire fleet with ballcock throttles. What a great money saving idea”
Mr C. Chaos, London - “my last single dream in life ruined by something that helps to get rid of poop stains”
Stephen Faldo, captain of the marchioness - “if only he could have invented this 20 years earlier”
The Iron Duke – “one of my finest moments. I had this idea and sketched the plans on a post-it note while driving to work at the local dolphin orphanarium. I was so excited I actually stopped the car, meaning three baby dolphins could not be hand reared that day and tragically died. They made a delicious barbecue though.”
Euan Sutherland, Director of Screwfix – “quite frankly our products are better quality than that useless turd of a man”