Non PC Jokes
Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!' Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead beatle for the last thirty years.
What is nasal sex?.....................**** nose.
I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful bleeders, all I said was, 'hurry up for ****s sake, some of us have got
homes to go to!'
Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore.
Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready!
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen, 'what you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb?'
I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'
She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat!'
Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.
Not every flower can survive thirst, but a cactus can.
Not every vegetable can read, but bless, look at you having a go!
Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch, so I've named him Birmingham .
In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and says, 'Curry Ok?'
I said, 'go on then, just one song then **** off'
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'