My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the
time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months.
Thankyou for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.
Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the
glue on envelopes - cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I
need to seal an envelope.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola
because I know it can remove toilet stains, which is not very
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like
a wombat on a hot day.
I no longer go to the shopping centre because someone might drug me
with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I
have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on
the internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th
I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change
I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft, AOL and Sainsburys are sending me for
participating in their special on-line email program.
I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I
will now return the favour!
If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next
7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhoea will land
on your head at 8:00 tonight . I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's hairdresser.
DO IT NOW OR ELSE.
Hope you all have a lovely Christmas and Happy New Year