The Infamous joke thread - Page 16

andy21 · 16-02-2012, 10:12 AM

First we lost Jacko, then Whitney... Now that guy from Steps has gone too...

Big Dutch · 16-02-2012, 12:28 PM

Pfizer drug company chose valentines day to launch the latest form of Viagra.

Called the 007
Tests have shown that it clearly helps men to

Roger Moore

Keanaz · 17-02-2012, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by andy21

First we lost Jacko, then Whitney... Now that guy from Steps has gone too...

Keanaz

Keanaz · 28-02-2012, 10:53 PM

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella.

Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella?"

Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f**king skint."

Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."

Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog...!!"

---

Wife says to husband "You only ever want sex when You're drunk"

Husband says "thats not true....... sometimes I want a kebab"

---

I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great

She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating.

---

Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when

he got back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist,

a twisted ankle and grazed knees,

Apparently she'd stood him up.

---

A man approaches a young woman in a shop. he says" I can't find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

The woman says "Sure but do you have any idea where your wife is?"

"Not a clue" he says" But whenever I talk to a beautiful woman with
tits like yours she appears out of nowhere!"

---

My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger.
It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!!

Keanaz

ELK · 29-02-2012, 07:32 AM

A mate of mine admitted he was addicted to break fluid, when I quizzed him about it he reckoned he could stop at any time!

A mate of mine was showing off his new fridge, should have seen his face light up when he opened it!

A friend of mine just moved into his new house so I took him round a couple of radiators....just a little house warming present.

I've been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis tribute band but it just keeps telling me to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.........

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.....

I've just had a reply from Screwfix, they regret to inform me they are not actually a dating agency

I was in the pub last night with my wife and I said 'I love you'. She said is that you or the beer talking? I said 'it's me talking to the beer!!'

My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker.........well she's not actually my girlfriend yet

The wife has been missing for three days now, the police said to prepare for the worst so I've been to the charity shop to get her clothes back.

I was driving this morning when I came across an RAC van parked up. The guy inside was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very stressed. I thought to myself 'that guys heading for a breakdown'

ELK · 01-03-2012, 05:21 PM

My wife just told me Davy jones has died. I wasnt convinced at first....the I saw her face.................

boatnut · 06-05-2012, 05:36 PM

2 german brothers lucky to both work with fanny all day, ones a gaenicologist, Hanz Uppercunt, and the other is a porn star Fitz Nicentight

Ben · 14-03-2013, 07:28 PM

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.

"Surely" says the barman, "You must mean a martini."

"If I wanted a double" replies Caesar, "I would have asked for it."

Keanaz · 14-03-2013, 08:13 PM

There were these two blondes driving along the highway looking for a place to stop and picnic.
The first blonde says "Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree". The other says "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of the road". They argued about it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in the middle of the road. All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them. The one blonde says to the other "See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"

boatnut · 14-03-2013, 08:24 PM

a blonde woman goes to the doctors and says, doc you have to help me, my husband has a really flakey and itchy scalp, the doctor says take him home and give him head and shoulders, the blonde replies how do you give shoulders,

Keanaz · 14-03-2013, 08:31 PM

During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. I described a typical day "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers". Inspired by the story, the doctor said "You must be one hell of an outdoors man!" "No," I replied "I'm just a shit golfer".

deepvee · 17-03-2013, 03:45 PM

ere this dislexsic guy walks into a BRA

Keanaz · 18-03-2013, 08:30 PM

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law? I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Keanaz