Genuine Alien for sale

[Dan]

Originally posted by Jon Fuller
1828.8mmis 6 feet nobbas, and I suspect when fathoms were invented, it weren't in fkkn millimetres

Yes thats right and...

[Jon Fuller]

Originally posted by Dan
Yes thats right and...

you fkkn wippersnappers wanna forget all that mm bollix!

[Dan]

Originally posted by Jon Fuller
you fkkn wippersnappers wanna forget all that mm bollix!

All joking aside its all I`ve ever worked in since leaving school.
I like the sound of wippersnapper tho! Makes me feel young again!!!

[Tony Davis]

nothing wrong with feet and inches! quite like firkins aswell

[Jon Fuller]

Originally posted by Tony Davis
quite like firkins aswell

how bout 'Merkins'?

or even, 'firkin Merkins'

[Brian-Bear]

Never here anyone bragging "I have got a 300mm willy" Its the good old imperial way

[Brian-Bear]

JF PM you about carbs did you get a look?

[verytricky]

Originally posted by Jon Fuller
how bout 'Merkins'?

Do you know what a merkin is?

[Tony Davis]

What exactly is a "merkin"? Ever since the word was thrust into my consciousness it's been tormenting me. My Oxford English Dictionary defines it as the "female pudendum," which seems a trifle sedate, given the listed quote of 1714, "This put a strange Whim in his Head; which was, to get the hairy circle of her Merkin ... This he dry'd well and comb'd out, and then return'd to the Cardinal, telling him, he had brought Saint Peter's Beard."

And it's downhill from there. The OED "b" definition says a merkin is a "counterfeit hair for women's privy parts," and another dictionary calls it a "pubic hair wig." Sorry, but these explanations defy understanding. I mean, I've heard of niche markets, but this is ridiculous. My own interest in the word isn't just academic, as I'd like to make use of the fine quote of 1680, "Or wear some stinking Merkin for a Beard," but I want to make damn sure I know what the original item was. --Andrew Scheinman, Los Angeles

Dear Andrew:

Cecil doesn't have the most reputable sources for this kind of thing. In fact, I blush to admit, I have been fishing for tips once
again on the Internet. I do not want to give the impression I spend all my time on the Internet, but in the right hands it is a
wondrous tool, and in the wrong hands it is an even better one. Here's what's turned up so far:

A merkin is somebody who lives in Merika. (Har!)
They used to shave off all the pubic hair as a cure for syphillis, so the well-to-do used wigs.
Before penicillin was around to ease the lives of the promiscuous, these were used to cover up any sores prostitutes may have obtained in the line of duty.
They used to treat the syphilitic with mercury, which caused baldness.
The merkin is for women with no pubic hair. Some people just don't develop hair down there, and this can be embarrassing.
In days of old a common problem was lice. One of the ways people dealt with this was to shave all the hair off their bodies, including arms, legs, and pubes. Wigs became very popular. Pubic wigs caught on slowly, starting among the kinkier set, but eventually became halfway respectable.
A merkin is a crotch wig for both men and women and is usually worn on the outside. Have you ever seen a Scot in full regalia? That little fur "purse" in front is a merkin.
In a country of mainly dark haired people, a prostitute may wear a blond merkin to be unusual and therefore more desirable. (Got this from a dictionary of sex.)
One of the more recent uses is to allow exotic dancers to comply with local laws prohibiting full nudity. They wear what amounts to a flesh-colored panty with hair on the front, appearing to the patrons of the establishment to disrobe completely without actually doing so.
In a sci fi story by John Varley called something like "The Barbie Murders," a group of women gives up individuality (and sex) and undergoes surgery to become perfect nonsexual beings resembling Barbie dolls. This involves losing genitals, pubic hair, etc. One Barbie goes back to being a woman for a night, painting on nipples and using a merkin.
Fascinating, ja? Erudite answers from around the globe, and not one of them duplicates another. Also, one is still left with a nagging question: who's a merkin supposed to fool? By the time you get to the level of intimacy where somebody is going to see whether you have pubic hair or not, your range of observation, as we might say, is such that a wig is not going to make for a very convincing masquerade, strippers possibly excepted. VOICE FROM THE NET: Yeah, but during the period when merkins were popular, the degree of intimacy among the upper class was low even during sex. ME: What's that supposed to mean, you had your valet do it for you? You sent it in by mail? Clearly more investigation needs to be done.

[floater]

so after all this talk of merkins is it still for sale as i may have a home for it. my favourite word is MOIST by the way.....

[mike k]

Beats me how this threads gone from 'Genuine Alien For Sale' to moist merkins.

[Jon Fuller]

Originally posted by verytricky
Do you know what a merkin is?

only just seen this post!

Of course, tis a pubic syrup (syrup of fig = Wig) tho' why someone would need such a thing is beyond me.

[Matt]

To hide gingerness while in the gloryhole shop?

[floater]

would that be a Golden "Syrup" or Thick Black Treacle?