Rules For Posting

jackeen's Missus

Senior member
Mar 13, 2004
The Pit
It has come to my attention that Boatmadders on the TB Forum have been looking for rules for posting. SO I will have my tea and have a go at keeping ye in line



(Oh and please feel free to PM suggestions in the meantime.
I'm listening:D )
Not going to "liberate" any from another well known web site are we? :rolleyes: :worthy: :tea: :duell: :hatchet:
I have no idea what you mean Mr. 2.
This is a completely original idea which occurred to me as I scrubbed the shebeen this very evening:laugh:


( I am sifting through the suggestions and will summarise in my own unique fashion as soon as I have washed Jackso's jocks...)

OK here's the list so far...

1) All Boatmadders shall apply for a signed photo of JF’s banjo. This will need to be kissed on a regular basis to promote respect. Please ensure the photo is not from someone’s private collection (we are not happy about recent thefts from our downstairs loo….probably the fekkin pirates again)
2) Please wear uniform when posting. In the gArfish’s case his last prison outfit will do. Hardboaters should wear ski outfits so we can ask about their holidays. Ribnobbers must wear full drysuit & lifejacket as the toilet could easily burst its banks and flood the living room while a devoted Ribster is spilling out their guts online. WAFIs may post as nature intended.
3) If you have a virus or a worm at the moment go down the chemist. Don’t phone the coastguard as they have a few troubles of their own.
4) You are not to tork TO EACH OTHER. This constitutes conversation and is frowned upon. Random Bollix is ideal.
5) For the last time NO RUDE STUFF. Keep your norty pics under the mattresses like dacent people do. That bit applies to men as ye have disgusting minds. The bollix is a lot cleaner nowadays...
6) Boating is not meant to be fun. It’s a serious matter and don’t even bother posting unless you pass the entry exam. This will require you to take apart the engine of a lawnmower, marinise it and stick it on the back of a boat. You will then need to fit a faulty speedo and drag the family out for hours of suffering on the water so you can bump up yer stats.
7) Stuffing is not just for Christmas. Keep up.
8) A manifold isn’t what they get on their lickle tummies from too many beers.
9) No fekkin swearwords.
10) No laughing. I can fekkin hear you !!!
11) No drinking and posting if you have a dial up…too much work
12) Rogue Wave sort your own back garden out before you come over here criticising mine.
13) If you have irregular toilet habits (you know who you are) try standing instead of sitting (ON THE RIB!!!!!). Works wonders!!!!
14) Flog your ould junk on EBay or down the car boot like all respectable people.

Please submit any other rules as they occur to you. All will be considered and even may be included …
Be advised that no-one will follow them anyway. Hey it’s a Bollix forum!!!!


Missus S.O.B.
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Posting guidelines


Post indiscriminately
Consider whether each message you post is entirely trivial and irrelevant, then post it.

Make sure that what you post is incorrect
If you make a statement of fact, make sure you do not have any evidence. If you are stating an opinion make sure it is outrageous and will be disagreed with by everyone else. Whatever happens, please become impolite and downright aggressive as often as possible.

Be discourteous
BoatMad's Torkin Bollix forum is an unlikely assortment of nutters and weirdo people. If someone posts something that you disagree with, then say so and do it impolitely and irrationally. It is not helpful to say why you disagree - be as obtuse as possible. If you resort to abuse then you have clearly won the argument!

Upload irrelevant attachments
Image attachments are welcome where they are weird or rude. Generic pictures and clip art may fall into this category.

Do not use the archive
There is a huge archive of useless information in the Torkin Bollix forum, and it is all, unfortunately, searchable. However, if you have a question please do not take the time to search the archive and read previous discussions on the subject before you post.

Do not use the Private Message system
Please ensure you use the Torkin Bollix forum for personal conversations or two-way discussions that will only be of interest to the two people taking part. The PM system is too complicated and does not allow everyone to earwig on you.

This lot is, I think, just common sense. If you think anything should be changed, added or deleted then please keep it to yourself.

Shamelessly nicked from RIBnet (as all the best posts are).

:D :D :D
Oooooops!!! Sorry, Missus! :wotzhapni
Mrs. N!
I've just been studying RIBNET so it can be my topic in Mastermind...
And I've noticed you have been copying the Boss's ideas....

Are you taking the Michael???

Dur! If you read my post carefully (which is, of course, definitely against the rules on this forum), you will see that I have put 'Shamelessly nicked from RIBnet (as all the best posts are)'.

jackeen's Missus said:

WAFIs may post as nature intended.

Even when they are flying the spinnaker.

Fekk the garden do I look like dermot gavin!
I'vve had a couple of goes on one (as ballast) I'ts a blast and I can take the pounding. so I figured if I could get some other old person to be a team with me then we could have a pop at Saga for sponsorship

My mates run the Navaho team so I thought Navohno would be a suitable name for our team as I do like to take the piss, when the opportunity arises.
I think it's a great idea...I'm a bit too old meself but I can make the tea...

Missus you think he could be Delia Smith hey, he didn't even know the ingredients to make a cup of coffee! true!

However he could organise the next poker run in his back garden. If he hid the camel rib there we could spend the day looking for it, although not much chance of finding it in that jungle.

As for two old blokes in a zatcap, didn't the BBC do something similar with two old tarts on a motorbike and a side car?


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jackeen's Missus said:
have been looking for rules for posting.

wee orlreddy ad a sett ov de fkin rools unntil dat nobbur fuler fukt upp de datta bannk.

noe torkin bollix

noe ribbas eckseptin ifn thay av fel owt ov der fkin bote

noboddy wivowt a fkin bote

noboddy wivowt a fkin bote dat wurks

noboody wiv a bote dat thay arr lyin abowt

noe welch scoch diddikoys sowf africuns orr scowsers

nuffin abowt pasifik consowl chanjis

noe winjin abowt fkin fowtoes

noe skawpian oweners

noe nikkin de fkin codd

noe borld heddid bastuds(agid 41)

noboddy wiv baddbref(agid52)

noe werld champiuns wiv der heds upp der arrsis

noboddy wiv a yottmastir tikket from dat werld reenownd senter ov seefairin eckellense surry fkin cownty cowncil

noboddy wiv a QI ov les dan 148

noe bastud hoo downt noe ow to werk owt de volyewm ov a fkin prisum yewsin ewclidien theeris

ifn dis lott downt satissfy yorr irge forr a bitt ov dissplin i cann araynj forr a gud owld fashund wippin wiv a stingin nettul

Mr gArfish may I respectfully mention that you left one out? No feckin Bubbuls!
...and goin' nobba huntin' in dem bullrushes wiv me trusty musket...:flame:
More rool

No fkkrs what use the hinternett
new mor rulez

and no sending Pm's when yore mailbox is full

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