In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was to name 2 things commonly found in cells. It appears that Scousers and Pikeys is not the correct answer!
I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realising that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
George Clooney is to star in a new film about Gary Glitter, called "Oh, She's Eleven."
My wife told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for the two of us on Valentine's Night. Problem was she's rubbish at snooker
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Camberley but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets
You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools
A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes.
Homer is fat yellow and lazy ,and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair"
Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, sod the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband, I look horrible, I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
Wife gets naked & asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?' Hubby looks her up & down and replies, 'Your sense of humour!
An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
National Outboard Immersed Propeller Mono Record 103mph