Thanks to RG3 on OSO for this one - since it's American you may have to use your imagination a bit, but you should get the drift ......
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
3. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
4. Was learning cursive really necessary?
5. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the Person died.
7. Bad decisions make good stories.
8. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
9. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
10. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
11. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
12. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
13. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
14. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
15. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
16. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
17. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
18. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
19. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
20. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
British Champions! RIB Formula 1 2005
National Speed Record Holder at 90.15 (still)